When I was younger, all I wanted was to be a "Mommy". I thought I would have 5 or 6 kids, many of them adopted. I imagined a house with a playroom for the kids and a craft room for myself. I would enroll them all in dance lessons and karate, and I even considered the idea of homeschooling.
Then I became a teacher. The first year I thought I wouldn't make it. The second year I told myself I'd be able to quit once I got married. But by the third year, I was beginning to enjoy what I was doing. Students I once had came back to visit and told me that I had made a difference and because of me they were getting much better grades. Some even brought their report card for me to see. Many of my former students would pop into my classroom in the afternoons or find me out in the field coaching cross country and stay for HOURS to talk. By the fourth year, though I still struggled, I felt I could teach just about anything. I was "in the groove" and finally beginning to feel organized and successful as my students' test scores showed growth. I realized that it wasn't possible for all of them to achieve A's or even for all of them to score "Proficient" on state testing, but it was possible for all of "my kids" to improve. I showed them their test scores and talked about what I expected from them. We became like a family and I even taught them how to encourage each other. They cheered when we read the test scores each trimester and continually asked when we would get the results from the "Big Test". I felt like I was making a difference.
The work was difficult, overwhelming much of the time, and many weekends I would spend the entire weekend grading papers and entering grades into the computer. Sometimes, even with Troy's help, I wouldn't get my report cards finished on time and would turn them in 2 or 3 days late. The adminsitration didn't care because they knew I was a perfectionist and they would not need to edit my report cards. Most of the time, they did not even look at them.
It is my 7th year, though I have not taught yet this year. I imagined that after having Mia, I would go back to work after the holidays. I figured that by then I would be totally bored with staying at home. Although I miss my friends at work, I am not bored and have decided that I would like to stay at home as long as possible. It's funny how my job took me so far away from my original plan. I almost didn't make it back. I still look forward to teaching in the future, but it does not consume me the way that it did and I'm excited to stay at home and teach my own child. When I go back to work, I won't have missed so many of her "firsts" and perhaps I'll feel more comfortable leaving her.
Then I became a teacher. The first year I thought I wouldn't make it. The second year I told myself I'd be able to quit once I got married. But by the third year, I was beginning to enjoy what I was doing. Students I once had came back to visit and told me that I had made a difference and because of me they were getting much better grades. Some even brought their report card for me to see. Many of my former students would pop into my classroom in the afternoons or find me out in the field coaching cross country and stay for HOURS to talk. By the fourth year, though I still struggled, I felt I could teach just about anything. I was "in the groove" and finally beginning to feel organized and successful as my students' test scores showed growth. I realized that it wasn't possible for all of them to achieve A's or even for all of them to score "Proficient" on state testing, but it was possible for all of "my kids" to improve. I showed them their test scores and talked about what I expected from them. We became like a family and I even taught them how to encourage each other. They cheered when we read the test scores each trimester and continually asked when we would get the results from the "Big Test". I felt like I was making a difference.
The work was difficult, overwhelming much of the time, and many weekends I would spend the entire weekend grading papers and entering grades into the computer. Sometimes, even with Troy's help, I wouldn't get my report cards finished on time and would turn them in 2 or 3 days late. The adminsitration didn't care because they knew I was a perfectionist and they would not need to edit my report cards. Most of the time, they did not even look at them.
It is my 7th year, though I have not taught yet this year. I imagined that after having Mia, I would go back to work after the holidays. I figured that by then I would be totally bored with staying at home. Although I miss my friends at work, I am not bored and have decided that I would like to stay at home as long as possible. It's funny how my job took me so far away from my original plan. I almost didn't make it back. I still look forward to teaching in the future, but it does not consume me the way that it did and I'm excited to stay at home and teach my own child. When I go back to work, I won't have missed so many of her "firsts" and perhaps I'll feel more comfortable leaving her.
1 comment:
I'm so excited God has brought you "full circle" on this. I was surprised to read how similar our stories are. I, too, always dreamed of being a Mama. I was even voted "Most Likely To have 20 Kids" in my H.S. Senior yearbook. But then I got on a career path and it took until this year to come "full circle." I loved reading your thoughts and I'm excited about staying home together with these girls! =)
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