Perfect

There are certain moments that I hope I never forget. Just now was one of them. Mia was fussing (I call it complaining because that's what it sounds like) and telling me she was ready for her nap. I picked her up and we walked over to the light switch to turn off the light. She looked in the mirror and smiled as if she was saying, "Thank you, Momma, for knowing what I wanted." I sat down in our chair and began to sing our song. Mia popped her thumb in her mouth and looked up at the mobile of paper cranes that Auntie Stacie made. Then she curled up a little and just began to relax. It was the heaviness of her body that I enjoyed the most. Usually she squirms and wiggles as we get ready for bed, but this time she was just calm. I sang through our song three times instead of just once so that I could enjoy the moment even more and then layed her down in her crib.

Of course, as I was typing this, I heard an enormously loud cry from her bedroom. Her little "thumby" kept popping out of her mouth because she couldn't breath. She needed Momma to suction her "nosey" one more time so that she could sleep. So the ending wasn't perfect. Is it ever?

What now?

The issue of what to do about going back to work has come up many times in the last 6 months. I desperately miss teaching, my friends, and the money is definitely being missed. I don't miss the paperwork or "politics" of my job. I will get a taste of going back to work in May and June when Troy's mom comes to take care of Mia. Too bad she can't be here all the time. Then I'll teach half-day summer school and my mom will watch Mia. I'm looking forward to it and I'm not.

Troy says I'm not a stay at home type. I tend to agree with him, but on the other hand, why have kids if you're not going to be the one to raise them? Part of me really liked the stress of a full time job and I loved what I did. I just can't imagine someone else deciding when my child will go down for a nap and if they'll let her cry or pick her up. What if they don't parent the way that I do? Of course they won't. They're not me. That's the problem.

I wouldn't be opposed to working a few hours a day. That would be just enough to get by. Then the issue is childcare. Who wants to take a child for only a half day? I have lots of options, but none of which are perfect.

Slow Down!

Mia is growing up way too fast. Just this week she began to sit up on her own, eat solid food (rice cereal) and said "dada". That's a lot and the week has just begun. I'm glad that I've been able to enjoy every moment with her and have not had to go back to work.

I'm still learning how to be a "stay at home mom" though. My mom wasn't exactly the type to clean the house and bake cookies. She worked through most of my childhood. Getting into a rhythm has taken longer than I thought, but I'm definitely getting closer.

I've been cooking more meals at home and taking the time to clean up each day instead of waiting until the weekend the way I would have when I was working. Laundry is getting done little by little instead of all at once and the bed is made more often than it is not. Our house isn't perfect, but everything is beginning to find its "home" in closets and drawers now that we've been in this house for a year and I'm starting to feel a little less overwhelmed by the daily clutter.

I'm still on the hunt for the perfect combination of "outside" work to supplement Troy's income so that I can stay home and we can stay in our house. The house is another situation entirely. We like it, but don't love it, but want to stay, but will move if we have to . . . it's just complicated. We've got some things to think about anyway.

Rice Cereal in a High Chair by Troy

Today was Mia's eating milestone of trying rice cereal. Allison had her gall bladder out on Thursday and is still recovering from her surgery. A few days ago I was at the store and on my list was rice cereal. I walked down the baby aisle as I have done many times before and was trying to find the rice cereal. I looked everywhere and still couldn't find it. Of course there were no instructions to look for a box. Instead, I was looking through the jars of mixed baby food. Most had rice cereal mixed with fruit. I never saw the box of dry rice cereal on the top shelf which was at my eye level. Allison ended up finding it over the weekend and pointed out that it was there the whole time. I asked for a more detailed description and a map to help in my search next time.

Since Allison was still recovering from surgery, her mom came over on Thursday, Friday and today to help out around the house. Allison told me as I was leaving this morning that they were going to give Mia rice cereal in the morning. I was very dissapointed that I was going to miss it so I told them to take pictures and video so I could watch it when I got home. While I was at work in the morning they gave Mia her first taste of rice cereal and they said she loved it! I didn't know that she was also going to have it when I got home as well. I was so excited to get to feed her tonight. Allison helped by mixing up the concoction of powdered cereal and water. The rice looks a lot like instant potato mix. I got Mia installed in the high chair and I was so surprised to see how well she is sitting up now. She is getting big too fast! Allison pointed out that I should keep the bowl on the table away from Mia's swinging arms. This morning Allison found out the hard way that Mia would rather have her hands in the bowl, than on the tray. I scooped up a small spoonful and moved it towards her little mouth. As soon as I got close to her mouth she opened up and leaned in. She is still trying to figure out how the spoon works and trys to suck it like a straw. She ate a bunch of cereal and loved the whole experience. Allison took tons of pictures and video so we can remember the moment. Allison said that I was more excited about the eating than Mia was.

After Mia finished her food Allison had our dinner ready and we got to eat at the table as a family for the first time. Things are changing so quickly and it is hard to hold on to all of the great memories that have already taken place.

Always learning the hard way . . .

This last month has been a crazy time. Mia has been sick, Troy and I have been to the ER more than once, and I've just had surgery. When things like this happen, I always think about what God is trying to tell us through it all. I have been ignoring God for quite some time when he has told me to get outside in the sunshine and go for a walk, or when I feel him pushing me to fill my body with more healthy food. Troy and I both had not been making time to read our Bibles or pray regularly. We were just getting caught up in the day to day stuff and feeling overwhelmed. Had we taken the time to sit down and pray, perhaps things would have fallen into place better, but God couldn't seem to get our attention. So, God did what He is best at . . . He made us slow down and listen by giving us events that were out of our control. We were forced to take a look at what we had been ignoring and it has already changed us. It seems that I always have to learn the hard way, but God never fails to teach me. I am so thankful for the time I have with Troy and Mia now and I treasure each day that we are healthy, because I realize how quickly things can change.